Our Florida Aufruf

It’s been a few weeks since our aufruf – a blessing for a couple in synagogue before the wedding – in Florida and I owe you (and Julia) a post about the experience. Really, Julia should write this. After the blessing, she said to my mom, “You have no idea what it feels like for a gay person to feel honored in religious place. It just doesn’t happen.” I may be studying to be a rabbi, but this sentiment still rings true for me. You might think it feels better to be honored as a whole person, without gayness as a factor – you get called to the Torah, and you are recognized and blessed as a whole you. But for me (and maybe for Julia?), being honored because of the love and beauty of our relationship – without any hiddenness – is an experience most gay people just don’t have, or don’t let themselves have.

A few days after the aufruf, I gave the following speech at my high school (Saint Andrew’s School in Boca Raton) about the aufruf and its role in my personal journey. After the speech, a former P.E. teacher I ran into told me that he had heard a student on his cell phone telling his parents about what he had heard. Other teachers said that the students are never that quiet during assembly. I have to say – it feels good to be heard, especially by high schoolers.

During this past shabbat, which was also Passover, my wife and I had our aufruf, a blessing before the torah and the congregation for a couple about to be married. Technically, at least in some states, Julia and I are already married. We were married by a judge in Washington D.C. in front of about thirty family members and a few friends. But this June will be our religious marriage, our big in front of 200 family and friends and God wedding. Since this visit will be our last trip to Boca before the ‘big day’ it was the perfect opportunity to have a aufruf here in our home community.

Aside from the obvious emotion of a life cycle event, there was more to this blessing: It was B’nai Torah’s first same sex aufruf.

More . . .