Author: Julia Rosen

Wedding day

#juliakerry and other socnet info

Julia Rosen

What kind of a new media person would I be if I didn’t dedicate a post to social networks and documenting the event?

We will of course have an official wedding photographer, but rather than using those old skool disposable cameras, we’d love it if people would snap a bunch of pictures on their phones and upload them to Instagram. Be sure to add the hash tag #juliakerry in the description field. That way we will be able to find all of your photos in one place.

Don’t have Instagram or know what is is? It just so happens that the fine folks at Mashable wrote a beginners guide to the app (available on both iTunes and for Android) this week.

Sorry to some of those luddites out there who have flip phones, complete with landyard, you just can’t join the fun. But if anyone is bringing a non-phone camera, you are absolutely encouraged to take lots of photos. Just don’t forget to enjoy the event, or to share them with us afterward!

For those of you on Twitter, use the same hash tag #juliakerry.

4 days to go!!!

Planning

Handmade kippot

Julia Rosen

Our wonderful sister-in-law Ros and her mother Doris have been hard at work the past few months making kippot (yarmulkes) for all those who wish to wear them during the ceremony. I was over the other day hanging out, and our nephew Lincoln was “helping” with the labels that go inside them. It was just too cute not to document.

I’ll take full responsibility for placing a few labels on Lincoln’s head. hehehe

Lincoln has also been sharing his DNA on nearly all of the kippot that Ros has made. The string is just so much fun to play with and put in his mouth. 🙂

Rights

Teaching not learning

Julia Rosen

This weekend Kerry and I went to a “making marriage work” shabbaton (shabbat weekend retreat). It was a gathering of engaged and newly married couples, plus a few therapists to teach us how to, well, make our marriage work. The rabbi marrying us strongly encourage us to get some sort of pre-marital counseling, just as a matter of routine.

Kerry did a bunch of research to find a training that would be inclusive to same-sex couples and Jews, and largely struck out. We were assured that this program was really good, and that we were not going to be the only same-sex couples there (it’s a Jewish program, so we weren’t worried about that part). It was really important to us that we could go there just like any other couple and learn about marriage, not educate about building a space inclusive of non-opposite-sex couples. We didn’t want to be activists- we wanted to focus our energies on building a strong marriage.

It was not to be. The very first thing they had us do was to stand in two circles, men on the outside and women on the inside. When we started to object, they told us it was totally fine, nothing to worry about. The icebreaker was a version of speed dating, where you have a short convo, then rotate one person clockwise. They could have just as easily asked one partner to stand in the middle and one on the outside. Frankly, that would have been better for the straight couples as well. Several mentioned to us that it felt really weird to be speed dating (something they were long done with) – meeting a bunch of people from the opposite sex when they were there to build their marriage and meet other couples.

In the span of about an hour, we had two additional instances in which different facilitators continued to split activities by gender. So despite our goal to learn, and not teach, we had explain why we were so uncomfortable. To their credit they were very eager to take the feedback and adjusted the rest of the weekend, but it was really shocking that they had not taken the time to plan for our attendance. It hadn’t even entered into their thought process, when making the adjustments in advance would have super small and easy. They were simply dividing couples by men and women because that’s how they’d always done it (for 30 years), rather than just allowing couples to decide which partner would go with which divided group.

In the end, we had a nice weekend, mostly because it was great to talk with a bunch of wonderful couples all in a similar stage of life. It was really great to get out of town and be out in the boonies where you can hear animals chattering, go for hikes, and see the stars. We didn’t get too much out of the programing because it turns out that we have had the conversations they were trying to facilitate – at least once if not multiple times. If nothing else, the weekend was an affirmation that we are on the right track with our relationship. And that we will always be educating, even when we’re trying to learn.

Planning

Wedding presents are arriving!

Julia Rosen

We came home today to a stack of presents nearly as high as we are tall. Ok, perhaps nearly as tall as me. Kerry thinks she is a giant.

We truly are grateful and blessed.

This is perhaps one of the most fun parts of the process. I mean, who doesn’t love presents? And yes, despite the fact that we are heading off to Israel shortly after the wedding, we will be excited to have all of this wonderful new stuff when we get back. Plus, it’s already packed for storage.

Meta

Invites are out!

Julia Rosen

Image

My mom is hard at work addressing the wonderful invitations we had made at a local shop called CopperWillow. The pomegranate was the perfect image to have on there since it’s so tied to California, fruitfulness and Jewish tradition.

The insert card directs our guests to this site, where you can RSVP and where you can find other important information: the schedule for the wedding weekend, the logistics of transportation and hotels, and the registry. If any of this is confusing, give one of us or our parents a call, or leave a comment here.

Rights

We’re Civil Married!

Julia Rosen

The marriage certificate from the District of Columbia is signed and in-hand. Kerry and I are officially civil married, and we’ve been having lots of fun calling each other “wife” at every opportunity.  🙂

The ceremony was the height of glamour: conference room decor in the basement of an office building, next door to the gym (Kerry wanted to get in a quick work out before the ceremony but I said no). We had a standing room only crowd of about 30, and Chief Judge Emily Hewitt of the United States Court of Federal Claims presided. There were tears, lots of flashes (not that kind), and the traditional exchange of Ring Pops.

We were so blessed to have so many members of our family present. While we were originally reluctant to have it be so big, it really was a wonderful way for the families to get to know each other in advance of the “real wedding” in June.Each of us said a few words to the other about how relationship developed and our promises for the future. Naturally, each of us made the other and the crowd verklempt.

After the short ceremony we all went out to dinner at Oyamel, where they are really good about Kerry’s gluten allergy. We had a private room with tons of good food, great wine, margaritas, and many happy Rosens and Chaplins. Our fathers got chocked up and gave toasts. Kerry led a shehekianu. And our baby nephew Lincoln charmed everyone.

The next morning my cousins hosted a bagels and lox brunch in their home. The whole thing was just wonderful. It was a great week and we are so happy to be civil married.

Now we are back to work/school and need to navigate the labyrinth of the Social Security office/DMV/Secretary of State’s office/State Department for name changes, lawyers and financial advisors. Plus, we have a whole wedding to plan!!

Rights

Inequality Sucks

Julia Rosen

It was one thing to hear about all the things LGBT couples go through because DOMA exists and Prop 8 passed, but let me tell you, living through it is something else.

I know we are usually super upbeat and happy on here, but there is a tougher political side of same-sex wedding planning that is coming to the fore.

Bear with me as I vent.

A domestic partnership in California, where we get all of the state-given rights (not federal rights) associated with marriage, but not the word “marriage,” isn’t enough legal protection for us. Israel, where will spend most of the first year of our marriage, does not recognize domestic partnerships from abroad, but they do recognize same-sex marriages.

This means we need to travel to one of the states that has marriage equality. And since we don’t have much time after our wedding and before we go to Israel, we have to get married before we get married.

DC was our preferred location, since it had no waiting period and was close for my family to drive in. When Kerry won a free trip to DC for winning an essay contest, we knew we would use that trip to get our marriage license, whenever the award ceremony was scheduled. It turns out the ceremony will be the week after Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately, DC has a 10 day waiting list in order to have a civil ceremony through the licensing office. That means we have had to scramble to find a judge –because we wanted to keep this as secular as possible– who was willing to sign the form. Luckily, my cousin Jonathan knows a few judges, and I think we have one now.

Because we have so many people that love us, a number of our family members are flying in for the event. It’s wonderful, but this isn’t what I want. I want to get married like everyone else does – one time in front of all of our friends and family (Kerry adds: and God) during a big, took-a-year-to-plan kind of wedding. I don’t want to get married before I get married. Continue reading “Inequality Sucks” →

Planning

Help pick our save-the-date photo

Julia Rosen

We were incredibly lucky that the wonderfully talented Marta Evry was willing to donate her time for an engagement photo shoot. Since we were at the Montage Laguna Beach Resort for the annual Chaplin family vacation, we figured its amazing views were the perfect backdrop to take some photos.

Marta and her husband, Warren, came down for the day, had some dinner with us and took some fantastic sunset photos on the resort property and the beach.

Because each picture shows a different spirit, we are having a hard time deciding which picture to use for our save-the-date card.

So we are hoping that you can help us out.

Which one of the three should we use? Vote in the poll below.

1)

2)

3)

Location, Planning

Wedding planning ain’t easy

Julia Rosen

We thought that we found a location, but sadly it was not meant to be.

When you are planning one of the most important events in in your life, and spending a ton of money you want the people you’d be trusting to pull off that event to be responsive and not blow deadline after deadline, even the ones they set for themselves.

We soon found ourselves struggling to find a place that could accommodate our likely 200 attendees, let us have a caterer who could do both gluten-free and kosher, and be affordable. And that’s when we decided to bring in a wedding planner to help out, it was something Kerry and myself decided was worth it enough for us to pay for ourselves, for our own sanity. And importantly, so the days leading up to the wedding and the day itself would not fall on our family/friends shoulders as much, and they could enjoy the event, instead of working it.

The trick was finding someone who didn’t laugh at our budget, our 200 person guest count, our dietary needs and was cool with a same-sex wedding. We found the perfect fit in Teissia from Firefly Events. Teissia comes from a non-profit background and is full of enthusiasm and DIY spirit. With her help we are now contemplating two locations and two caterers, working to find the best combination of a beautiful place with great energy, good food, fun music and fit it all in our budget.

The first is the Los Angeles River Center and Gardens. Yep, snicker away about the L.A. River, but the place is actually really cool and Kerry has some family history with the place. It used to be Lawry’s headquarters, which they build in the mid-century in a spanish style. Now it is run by a non-profit. But when Kerry was a kid, it was a Lawry’s Mexican restaurant. She used to go there nearly every Friday with her parents, brother and her parent’s best friends and their two boys. The kids would run around, while the parents drank some crappy margaritas.

We didn’t know it was the same place when we went to visit it. After all, why would you think L.A. River Center = old Lawry’s restaurant. But Kerry mentioned on the way out that it reminded her of a place she had been too a bunch as a kid. I thought she was nuts, but she insisted I google it. And low and behold it was the same place. They even had a going away party for her uncle Ward 25+ years ago there, in the courtyard where we are thinking of holding the ceremony.

Most of the day would be spent outside, except for the cocktail hour, which would be in an sunny atrium. The location is near Dodger stadium, not in the nicest of neighborhoods, but you wouldn’t know it when you are inside. And it has plenty of room for our guests, plus is so pretty that we would barely have to do any decorating. Plus, it has plenty of room for a band to set up with a large dance floor. After all, there will be some Hora-ing.

The second location option is Rancho del Cielo (Ranch in the sky), which is as the name suggests high up in the Malibu cliffs, with an amazing panoramic view. On clear days you can see all the way to Catalina. It has a great energy, partially because it is actually somebody’s home with a beautiful yard.

We would need to shuttle guests up to it, since there isn’t enough parking up there and Malibu city ordinances make a live band impossible. Thus we would have to give up on having live music, something we really wanted, and get a DJ instead. But the place is beautiful. It even has Kerry, who didn’t care as much as me about the location, working hard to make the budget fit to have it there. Like the LA River Center, it would not need much decorating, helping keep costs down (weddings are damn expensive).

So this weekend, as we head to my friends

Family

The parents meet!

Julia Rosen

For months Kerry and myself would talk about what it would be like when our parents met each other. We were pretty sure they would get along. After all, they made two pretty amazing kids (yes, we are biased) and we both get along with the other’s parents really well.

We knew that our mom’s would have plenty to talk about, but were less sure about our dads. Turns out that there was absolutely nothing to worry about. Everyone had a fabulous time together, including my uncle Pete, my dad’s brother and Josh and Ros, Kerry’s brother and sister-in-law.

There were family dinners, leisurely walks down Wilshire, and a great visit to LACMA. We even took them to the place where we thought we were going to get married, but no dice. But we might have found a band to play at the wedding. They were warming up for an event when we were leaving. Kerry and I had some fun dancing before we walked back home.

By the end of the weekend Kerry’s dad was inviting my father to come down to their house in Florida for a scotch tasting. We’re looking forward to more get togethers and hope it won’t take till the wedding for that to happen.